When I abandoned Me.

It’s been a while since I’ve written like this…

And today, as I sit at my desk,

I find myself reflecting.

There are real needs… real pressures.

But even in that… I had a realization.

Nothing I’m facing now compares to what I felt before.

Last year — especially around November 2026 —

I was not okay.

Not financially…not emotionally… and definitely mentally.

I felt weak.

I felt overwhelmed.

And if I’m honest… I FELT SMALL.

There was a moment I will never forget.

When my colleague called me in

to speak about my work.

She spoke about mistakes I continued to make.

Pointed out everything that was going wrong.

And I remember standing there…

So nervous.

So shaken.

I couldn’t even gather myself properly.

And then I said it…

Words that came straight from a place of fear:

“You make me nervous…

I don’t know how to hold myself together around you…

You make me scared…

I don’t want to lose my job.”

And in that moment…

I felt like I was nothing.

Like I was the tail…and she was the head. I felt this all because of one

person, an individual just like me. The difference is, she is in a highter position only at our workplace but, a sister in Christ.

That moment stayed with me.

Because it revealed something deeper:

I had given my power away.

I literally abandoned myself. 

And from there…

Everything started to fall apart. I have never in my life prayed for time to just fly. 

I made more mistakes.

I couldn’t think clearly.

I carried fear into everything I did.

I had terrible headaches and drank more pain tablets than I normally would. I literally felt ashamed of myself and just wanted to die.

I felt I couldn’t speak to anyone but God and record everything in my journal. 

I would sit at my desk…

crying inside. Not wanting to come to work. Feeling like a cloud was hanging over me. Until eventually…

I received a verbal warning.

Look, work is work. The leader in the workplace also has pressure but believe me they will always make sure they are above you no matter what the cost.

And looking back now…

I see it clearly:

It wasn’t just the situation…

It was how much power I had handed over.

But today… 8 months later, sitting 

in the same space…

I realize something has shifted.

I am not that person anymore.

Yes, challenges are still there.

There are still pressure all over the place. Work is still challenging most of the tim. My colleague  is still above me in the workplace but the difference is…

It no longer controls me.

Because I’ve learned something powerful:

No one has power over me

unless I give it to them.

And today…

I no longer shrink.

I no longer feel like “nothing.”

I no longer carry fear into every moment.

I am aware.

I am grounded.

I am steady.

Because now I understand:

My power does not come from people.

It comes from being aligned with God.

And when I stay aligned…

No voice around me

can overpower the voice within me.

Reminder

The moment you feel like nothing…

is often the moment you’ve forgotten where your power comes from.

Declaration

I take back my power.

I will not shrink for anyone.

I am no longer who I was — I am stronger, aware, and aligned.