Feel Every Moment

I'm literally sitting here laughing about everything that happened this year. At one point life seems perfect, I'm having the best time of my life, and the next it felt like I was loosing my mind. Please tell me you the reader has never been at this point, and if not, please share your secret?
Anyway!!
But what I've realized is when you're having the best time time of your life, enjoy it. Stay in that moment so you can look back and smile 😃 because IT WAS GOOD!

This loosing your mind shit is the tricky part. It can be downright confusing. Because how can things switch from being so good and amazing to doom and gloom, just go through without looking for any kind of short cut.
My darling, no physical thing is permanent. All things good or bad comes to an end, and that will always be the hope that I cling to. The Hope that does not disappoint. Romans 5:5
Because of this HOPE, I'm still standing.
So to sum it all up. I will have the mos amazing fun time when that moment arrives and I will go through the motions and feel every aching moment when it feels like I'm loosing my mind.
With that being said....

This year has been the perfect blend of me LOOSING MY MIND & and me having the BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!

I have to stay and need you to stay

I woke up this morning and the word "anxious/anxiety" was dropped in my spirits. 

I laid there, eyes closed, and waited. Waited for what, no idea but I waited. 

I proceeded to question  myself. "Am I anxious today?" Will I come in contact with someone, who's anxious or suffer from anxiety?" 

I haven't thought of this word in a while. Even though I haven't thought of this word in a while, it was not unfamiliar to me. I'm so familiar with this word that I can literally write a book. 

As I reflected in this word, and even though I should be anxious and choose not to be, I started looking to God for answers. I waited, waited and continued to wait and hesrd nothing.

I got up and went live on my phone. Then it happened. I have many people who joined me on the live and usually they would ask me, what are we discussing today or what's the topic? I proceeded to ask them what they would love to discuss. So obviously they can hear me and I have to read out what they type in thr comment section. 

Believe it or not, many of them typed the word "anxious" Some of them confessed that they are anxious all the time. Then I knew, there is a massive wave of anxiety here and it's only gonna get worse if we don't have it eliminated. People are struggling, lives are taken because of major depression and the enemy's loving it. 

I opened my Bible and also had to bare in mind that not everyone believes the word of God or trust a person wanting to help. 

Anyway, the very first scripture  I read said, 

"Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad." Proverbs 12:26

As I continued to read their comments I just had to ask, "why are you anxious?" 

I thought the answer would be financial difficulty or marriage problems but that wasn't the big answer. The big answer was, "judgement from others, bullying" (and this grown-ups feeling this way), and the worst thing, "loneliness" 

Can you imagine if this is adults feeling this way, how are the young people dealing with all of this?

People, there are soblittle kindness and empathy shown in this world and that is a massive problem. 

Guilt is unnecessary placed on people. They feeling they're drawing and you’re seeking attention. 

How can we change this? 

Can we be present?

Reoccurence

What has happened has happened then, will happen again. These are the words of King Solomon (Biblical truth)

When you've gone through a situation and it felt like everything was just falling apart, you either just slept for day. You might've made your own plans just to get out of it quicker. You've put the idea of food one side but eventually you had no choice but to eat something because you want to be stronger to continue living. 

Have you been there before?

I've been here many times, and it just sucks. Right?

Then life continues to be good, not great though but manageable. 

When life is good, what do we forget?

We have to stay humble. When life is good, you cannot let your ego get the better of you. When life is good, empathy should be the key to remember who was empathetic towards you in time of ruin(if I can call it that).

So, this morning you wake up and the "what has happened then", is 100% back again. What do you do this time? What will your response be?

Stop... Think... Choose

This method really sucks because we want to get angry, say what we feel and think.

A little bit of advise.

If you didn't learn the first time it happened, or by the second reoccurence, you will definitely struggle the time around.

The Final Bow

You have #bowed down to things & people who did not serve you and that weighed you down. For a very long time you didn't know how to accept yourself because you were to dependant on others to you what about you is or is not acceptable. If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you've made, if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.

Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.

But, thank God, you gave your final goodbye bow, a laugh and wished them peace, and finally living the desired life. 

#realtalk_with_leslene

Truth is...

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

This is for your own good because, taking offends to what others do or did, will place you in harm's way. 

So here's the thing...

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first. 

And if you say it is actually happening on the inside, then there's absolutely no need to walk around with that face that looks like you're angry at the world. Or that death stare you give everyone who's actually genuine with you. 

Many people claim or I've heard quite a few people say "my mouth won't say it, but my face definitely will" 

That statement right there, is one of the fakest ways a person can show themselves. 

So...

Thinking something does not make it true. Wanting something does not make it real. But, doing what you said you did will make a whole lot of difference to the lives of those who are actually happy for being set free by those who claim they put up a boundary. 

Decisions...

I love decisions. Especially when I know it will be good for me. Making decisions where my life and others are concerned, it will definitely show in my actions. I am happy, I am playful, I am showing that this decision will benefit the next person as well. I won't be sad because I made a great decision, I will be happy. Because now I can focus on experiencing fruitful friendships. Maybe even friendships I was denied as a young person. Yes it was good for me then, but now that we're older and good on making the right decisions, I am happy to test the limits. I am happy to see what I'm really made of. I am happy to encounter people with different characteristics, temperaments and definitely see if they are able to tolerate me. 

The truth is...

When you say you're changing for the better, be better. Or else we can and will safely assume you've created yourself as a god in your own image. Who judges sinners for sinning differently, when it turns out that God hates all people who walks around with an image filled with entitlement and pride. 

Just Imagine....

Imagine God made decisions about you based on what He's heard from other people and not coming to you and ask you about it? And what makes it worse, he doesn't bring the ones he's heard the stories from to you, to confirm it it's true. 

To me, that says nothing about the one carrying a story about someone else to God, but it definitely says a lot about God and who he is. 

Would you want someone like that in your life if you knew that's the type of person God is? I sure wouldn't. 

But you know what? I thank God that he IS NOT the type of person who makes his decisions based on what others tell him. 

You approach God to find out what you did because you see him walking around with this stinking attitude towards you, because he's done so much for you and now he makes statement that you are his BIGGEST REGRET and he just wish he could take everything back. 

Wow!

Question.

How do you feel after reading that?

My answer.

A stabbing feeling right up my spine and into my heart. That's exactly what I feel and I'm imagining, what if that was exactly how God is?

Thank goodness, he is merciful, gracious and ever-loving and he understands our sinful and fleshly nature. Whenever I judge a friend, or whomever, "he remembers that I am only human..." Psalm 79: 89

Just as the word of God communicates and is very clear of what our next step should be, we very often discard it and continue with our fleshly nature. 

My plea...

Communicate when someone has done something that bothers you or if you don't understand their actions. They might just apologize and learn. 

Ooooe the pressure

Like seriously, it must be so tiring to be miserable one day, kind of happy the next, and then suddenly shockingly moody? 

We all have our problems, issues, etc but, come on man. Let's stop being miserable, angry or moody at the people who don't deserve those moods. 

You want to know why some people are miserable,  they have this massive expectation of others or things. So whatever your expectations are of people or things, it's best you lower them. You'll definitely be happier. 

Things, disappoint, and people definitely disappoint. 

The happiest people in know are always evaluating and improving themeselves. The unhappy, miserable, moody people are always evaluating and judging others. Do you perhaps fall into that category? 

When you are unhappy with someone or something no matter what they say or do to you, a no reaction from you is a good and mature thing, but what is the use of a no reaction if you're gonna walk around with that hatred or an unhappy face where everyone can see?

When you do decide to respond or react to whatever makes you miserable.... you better make sure you are ready and have all your ducks in a row. It might just hit you even harder. 

Do not let your tongue mention someone else's fault. You have faults to and others have tongues too. 

Maybe, just maybe... when you self examination will stop the pressure. 

Where you placed me

You are holding women to a higher standard than men," he said. "Madame used to tell us that this is traditional, for men have usually been the judges, and they put women either in the gutter or on a pedestal.

Men have traditionally forgiven one another, for they know and excuse their own failings, but they do not forgive women for falling off the pedestal.

 
With that being said, you placed me on a pedestal so high up, and now you're the one disappointed. I told you if you don't want any surprises, then don't think you have me all figured out. I enjoyed the pedestal, but that was your mistake.
So next time put me on a pedestal, I will fall off because I can never achieve the perfection of your expectations.

The Smile

The smile that says " my heart is filled with peace and gratitude" 

The smile has always been there, but it was definitely a struggle keeping it there. I could never find it all joy when trials and tribulations came. I would smile but had so much heartache. So much pain was laying dormant. Pain and heartache I decided should not be known to anyone. But one day, the day you decide you need your smile to be more than real, that was the day a voice said, "You have made known to me the ways of life, but in Your presence is fullness of joy." Acts 2:28

My smile hides nothing anymore. My smile is filled with peace, gratitude and a love that cannot be taken away.

All the days

"And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not..." 1Cor. 8:10

There was a time in my life, I felt very insecure about myself. I was told, I'm being crazy because I'm perfect the way I am. For me that was never good enough, especially when it came to.my hair.

I used to wear my hair straight, and it was a massive head ache for me, always looking or waiting on someone to blow dry my hair. If that person was not available, it felt Luke my world's just ended. It became a massive burden. 

Then there were the days I would decide to make my hair frizzy and when I got tired of that I would just tie it up. A few days in with tied up hair, it would then be Me against a nagging headache. What does a girl have to do to make herself love something about herself. If there's one thing liked about myself most days, it would be my hair, but only on most days. Not all, just most. #heheheheee 

The thing is, at some point I had to get to some level of loving my hair, myself and everything about me. So now, you are at this point where you finally made a decision, that I actually love my frizzy hair more than having it blowed out. I personally don't use expensive hair products, coz it doesn't work for me. I decided that it will embrace my natural hair, no matter what. And this "no matter what" doesn't just include my and my feelings about it, IT INCLUDES YOU as well. You who walk pass me some days and feel my hair is too messy for your liking and would feel you want to blowdry it, you would even do it for free. 

My point to all of this madness is, I DO NOT need your aaawhs and your oooohs, on the days my frizzy hair looks lovely, and on the days that my hair look hideous, I still will embrace my hair. It is called "back to me roots" It is my natural hair. 

This is the hairbinqas actually born with before I decided to mess it up with all kinds of chemicals, and you know what, some advice I got from hairdressers back then, "why do you want to struggle with your hair being so frizzy, there are lots of products on the market to fix these types of hair." Wow! What a shock to my system, NOW.

I know if I did not embrace my natural hair, it would always be a huge burden. But now I like my hair. I've always known I would one day go natural again, but i had to embrace the thought, coach myself and then do it. And now I am happily loving myself and my hair. 

Me being happy about naturally frizzy hair, whether it looks perfect today and a disaster tomorrow, should not be your burden. The Word of God says, it benefits me at the end of the day, because this is what I did for me. So whatever anyone's opinion or judgment toward me and my beautiful curly crown, it will never make me change my hair or my opinion about anyone deciding to go natural or straight. You do what benefits you and what you had to do to love yourself, your hair, or whatever parts on.your body. 

So with that being said,...

# Be mature enough to accept her decision she made.

# Be mature enough to focus on yourself.

# Be mature enough to know when the battle is not yours to fight.

# Be mature enough to keep your judgements to yourself.

#IAMSHE Happy and free

How do you come out.....?

It's funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn't live without, and then we fall inlove with what we thought we didn't even wanted. Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don't be afraid. Have faith. Find the lesson. 

So, what we I believe, is what I will experience. If I believe there is no magic in life, then I will definitely never experience it. If I believe the miraculous is not real, then I will never accept it when I see it. If I believe I am limited in what I can do, accomplish and become, then I'll always live within the confines of my imagination. 

This has always been one of my biggest struggles and it always left me behind. 

It's really time that we think about our attitudes towards ourselves. Your attitude toward yourselves will continue to be negative because you continue to wait on others for a go-ahead. 

So, if you have been waiting for a sign that tells you which way you should be going, this is it. 

Go straight back to yourself, and know you are amazing, beautiful, and so worthy of your own love, and you don't ever have to wait for someone else to give you permission to dress up, dress done, dream, and fulfill it. 

Like Marianne Williams says:

Our deepest fear is not that we are  inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.