What "Self" needs

 “Self-love, self-respect, self-worth”: There’s a reason it all starts with ‘self’. You cannot find it in anyone else.”

It was one of those days. I was at a party celebrating one of my friend’s birthday and I was having so much fun. Then out of the blue one of the ladies whom I just met asked me “So what do you do?”

Within a few seconds, my fun, happy, cheerful self disappeared and out came a doubtful and fearful girl that was pushed back for a very long time.

The truth was… I had little idea what I was doing in my personal life. I know I have a job. I know I have a family and I know I am very active in church, but that afraid little girl wanted to show herself.

I think that question stripped me down naked and it made me feel exposed. Because I didn’t really have a job title. (Unless “I-don’t-know-what-I’m doing-with-my-life”)The thing is this, I’ve never had a problem saying yes to people should they need my help, but there’s always been that fear of doing the wrong thing when they needed me the most.

After that question was posed to me I did some serious reflecting and came up with a few powerful truths. Until that moment at the party, I had (unconsciously, of course) proved my worth through my achievements. I had thought of myself as someone who’s not really valued by others, in her job, with friendships and in her marriage. This was me putting myself down, not realizing that not everyone felt this way towards me. It was me, putting myself down and pleasing my own flesh and silly emotions.

So, in short, I had confused self-confidence, self-worth, self-respect with self-esteem. Oops!!

Here’s what I mean by this:

Self-confidence is about trusting yourself and your abilities. For example, you can be confident in public speaking, communicating or praying for others, but not so confident in dancing, singing or even cooking.

Self-esteem on the other hand, is about how you see yourself. It’s about your perception of your worth. No matter what happens on the outside, do you treat yourself with love, care and respect or not?

The above won’t matter as long as you perform and do well, it’s all good, right? Yeah, until you don’t. That’s when sh*t hits the fan…

So, now I was thinking, I’ve done an amazing job in so many areas of my life and others, but why do I see myself as less worthy, less cool (at this age), less interesting because of my external circumstances, I decided this was unacceptable and not good enough for me. As they say, your biggest breakdowns often become your greatest breakthroughs.

So, now I do things, not by proving my value, but by practicing self-love.

I wrote this, because this was what I struggled with just a few days ago and already doing so much better, I hope when you read this you will feel better as well.