That Weapon

 

...and there will be people that hurt you. Listen, your job is not to hurt them back. Your job is to forgive. Your job is to give it over to the Lord and show them grace. And I know, I know they might've hurt you pretty bad, but listen when you don't forgive and you don't give it over to the Lord, that is walking in rebellion. 

Do not walk that route against God. How can God bless you in fullness if you allow your heart to be hardened and no longer listen to the grace that He shows you every single day. Do not allow somebody else's actions to harden your heart with the Lord. You hear me? 

Grace is the weapon that disarms the darkness. Let grace fill the gap.

"Teach me your way oh Lord, that I may walk in your truth. Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

Whither or Bloom?

Years ago Facebook had this game called Farmville, and everyone was obsessed with this game. I've tried playing it many times but just couldn't get pass a certain point....and I remember I was so fascinated with people mastering this game. 

There were a few people that were so good at this game, and they would harvest many crops...and I remember one of the beautiful ladies in my circle saying "Just as I'm growing my crops on this game and then harvesting, this is how my life grows, this is how I reap the fruits and rewards." 

and I remember how fascinated I was. Then one day, it hit me, I don't see much if not any growth in those people playing Farmville. I then questioned, how can our lives be compared to a game? Here's the thing, there are people out there so obsessed by playing games with others' lives and here being ignorant to this, you think it's so cool. My darling, Farmville was a game and there is no way you can ever or should ever compare your personal life to a game especially if you don't see any fruits in real life. However, one or two of those people have amazing visible and real fruits in their lives. And that is very inspiring. 

I finally gave up on desiring to play or master Farmville and tried to focus on my real personal life. It was quite a mess I tell you. 

Coming back to planting and harvesting... I wasn't even good at it in real life. I would plant and it just wouldn't grow. I was so frustrated. I soon realized, I needed to get my focus and mentality right. One major thing I realized is, when there is frustration, there cannot be manifestation. And when there are no manifestation, stagnation kicks in. This was the last place I wanted to be. In fact, this was a place I never wanted to but, there I was so deep in and didn't know how to get out. 

Then I was smacked in the face with a this quote "If a flower doesn't bloom, are you going to blame the flower for not blooming or are you going to fix the environment?" So, will you continue to blame others or just be patient with yourself while working on yourself?

I'm sitting here writing, thinking to myself how good I am with growing plants and flowers. Out of one plant, I have grown three beautiful other plants. I have several vegetables in my garden and I'm literally harvesting vegetables and herbs. I doubted my ability to do the things I thought I couldn't for a very long time. 

I had to grow mentally. I had to start loving myself again. I had to speak life in myself again. I had to change my mind again. AND NOW, I am ready to grow plants, herbs, vegetables and harvest them. 

And as she fell apart, her shattered pieces began to bloom, blossoming until she became herself exactly as she was meant to be. 

Human Beings

 

The biggest issue human beings have is, they cannot control their thoughts and emotions. 

I see it daily and it's very hard for some people not to put their thoughts out there for the world to see. The minute you do that, you give others permission to feel sorry for you. You give others permission to comment and bad mouth the person you have those thoughts and emotions towards. That's now to say if your thoughts or emotions are directed to someone or any situation. 

The realize the simplest way to bring balance to your thoughts and emotions is to have an unwavering commitment to something else. It will be hard in the beginning but definitely not impossible. Every thought, every reverberation you create on the level of the mind changes the chemistry of your body and you know what, others pick it up. They either see peace or they see resistance and resentment in your whole being. 

If we cannot keep our minds peaceful, how on earth will this relationships and the world be peaceful? Everything outside is a reflection of the human mind. 

A small portion of my conclusion, many things come up against you and if you are too serious about everything, you will only know thoughts and emotions. You will not know life. 

More certain than ever

 

 

 

When I look back to years ago, I am convinced that should’ve put an end to it then. When you’re busy being so focused on what everyone would say, your life was hanging in the balance. Your focus was tampered with by your very own emotions and we all know what they say about those kind of emotions.

EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT!

And now they’re watching. What’s your next step? Many people don’t understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head because you don’t always understand it either but now, finally understand I will continue to suffer if I don’t make that final decision. I was taken back to when Elijah was battling depression. God didn’t send him and Angel to preach to him. God didn’t send him an Angel to condemn him for feeling that way. He sent an Angel to comfort him while he was RESTING.

Maya Angelou said, “You may not control all events that happen around you and to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

So for now, don't stress about anything. Stop listening to what the world says you should do. While guarding your heart, listen to it. There are only a few people in this world that will stay true to you, you are the most important one of them all. Listen to your own voice, your own soul and not to the noise of the world. Deep inside, you know what you want, let no one decide that for you. 

 

 

The unknown burden

 

Until you release the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually the bleeding will be so much that you cannot and don't know how to stop it. You can continue to blame and point fingers, it will not stop. The bleeding will leave a massive stain which no one can clean out. You must find the strength to open your wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you captive in your past, the memories and make peace with them. 

You will continue to blame and point a finger. 

Right now I'm loving the peace in my life and it's not because I made a life changing decision, I allowed someone else to make that decision for me. Normally I would say, "don't allow others to make rules for your life, but in this case it was so good for me. A massive burden has been lifted. A burden I thought was normal. A burden I didn't know was my ultimate downfall. Today, I want to say thank you to God for allowing this burden to be lifted. 

So now, I give myself permission to rest. I was never responsible to fix everything that is broken. I do not have to try and make others happy. I now take time for me. It's time for me to replenish and you should to.

On Another Note

I feel I should probably kick some ass today. Not a person’s ass though. I’m not into kicking people. I feel I should do this day. This day wants to be embraced by me. This day can only get better if I allow it to. So, I have this feeling within me that happy days are here. Yesterday day not here anymore. In fact, yesterday was a day I feel I would repeat if I have to but, I will then choose not to dwell on the events of the moment for too long. It’s so funny looking back to yesterday’s events. It could’ve been so much worse have I allowed myself to completely loose myself and I’m so glad I did not.

I’m here, I’m excited for what’s to come and, it’s going to be great. I’m sure my mental health will be challenged still by certain events, but I am so honoured to be given daily chances. I have a family I totally adore and love. I have an amazing job with amazing people I work with daily and I wouldn’t change it, well, unless God instructs me to.

 

So my point is, I know life can be tough on you too and not just on me, but I will not be the one who makes life hard for any person on this earth. It makes me completely and utterly happy to see people do good in this world. It makes me ecstatic to see people achieve what they’ve prayed for, for many years. It makes me happy when I see people smile when they see me or when I see you.

It make me happy that there are people who don’t even have to try or pretend to be happy, those people are just sincerely kind when they see you. These are the people that just makes every day better and brighter. Those are the people that gives you the permission to want to be happy, with absolutely no restriction at all.

So on that note, that’s the person I strive to be.  

Naked, Undone, Raw, Bare.....

 

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

But, how sad when love is not returned. Your vulnerability is out there, naked, raw and you have shown how undone you can become even if just for a brief moment. What will the next step be? You, the vulnerable one has to decide and decide very quick because you cannot go on by withholding yourself from breathing. 

Because you've shown how naked you can be for someone and receiving nothing in return, is vulnerability really the birthplace of love, belonging, joy courage, empathy and creativity? Will you still allow it to be the place of hope, accountability, and authenticity? 

DECIDE!!! 

Yet, you know...

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Is that what you finally choose to still believe? 

I now know how terrible it was for my life

I recently decided to take a break from social media. I took this break because I realized it's stealing my joy. 

It's a little hard because I still pick up my phone and click on the square icons just to realize I'm no longer logged in. It's quite disappointing to realize how addicted I was all these years. The urge is there still have the icons but decided to Uninstall it rather than keep it on my phone. Social media as I see it, is a bad habit. A habit I didn't want to have. I have so much more to offer myself and my family. 

I would like to think and pray that I have the willpower to beat this habit knowing it is a massive challenge. 

These social media apps really stole my joy. I allowed it to. I would see posts or I would post words that wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but it broke my heart because it was hurting people who I believe was not strong enough not to take it personally. 

That is the terrible effect social media has on people we love and care about. You look at people's posts and become envious. You start to doubt yourself, all the while knowing they put their best foot forward, especially on social media. 

Most people are not posting pictures of their dirty laundry piling up. Most people wouldn't post how their husband is beating them up. Most people wouldn't post how their toddler just swore at them or how their teenager just messed something up that you worked so hard for. (Although some would post it just for a good laugh). For the good part, some people post what they've achieved. Even though this is true, some would just rub it in others faces. This kind of thing, just stole so much of my joy. Therefore, a break is needed. Maybe even a permanent one. I have absolutely nothing against others who enjoys social media just like I did. But I made a choice, enough is definitely more than enough. 

Social Media, what bliss it was, until I allowed it to break my heart. 

Not only has it been blissful, but I have more time, way more time now. I'm tackling projects that I had been putting off because I “didn’t have enough time.”

I am living more in the moment. I truly concentrated on my children’s stories, and I hear clearly what's in their hearts. 

There's no phone in my hand!

I brainstorm more. I started writing again, and surely joy fills my heart. My blog posts are here, no more sharing it on Facebook or Instagram. Here, it will be found by whoever, when it's indeed needed. 

It’s like I've woken up.

Woken up from a social media coma, coming back to reality where I realized my life can and will be good again.

 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Phil.4:8

What I got in return for deleting my Facebook.

If you came to this post because you think there is some kind of giveaway going on, I’m sorry to disappoint you. There isn’t. I did receive several gifts in exchange for deleting my Facebook, but no one gave them to me. They sort of materialized as a natural consequence of opting out.

I deleted my Facebook because I felt that it was wasting my time. I didn’t want to spend any more of my minutes on Facebook, so I deleted it. I thought about the accumulation of all those minutes spent scrolling through things I don’t actually care about, in hopes of coming across something I did care about. How many posts of lunches, political views, pictures of kids doing mundane things did I waste my minutes on? Imagine what I could do if I got those minutes back each day. I'm learning so much about myself and it's all happening at this age. I missed out on so much of my life by focusing such a massive distraction. 

The reclaiming of my time was a pleasant side effect of deleting Facebook, but the biggest change I’ve noticed is that I got my brain back. By brain I mean my attention span, my ability to concentrate, my level of attachment to my phone. I think most people do not realize how compulsive social media makes you. It was engineered that way on purpose. The more you “engage,” the more ads you see and the more money they make. They need you to be hooked, to check your phone like you have OCD, because your attention is the product they sell to advertisers. We get addicted to social media QUICKLY, and by design. I think most of us are addicted, even though few would admit it. Most of us check our phones multiple times per day, not five or ten, but closer to a hundred, or even in the hundreds, depending on our level of engagement with social media.

 I have no real reason to check my phone because I knew there was nothing on it. It would ring if anyone called me, and who calls anymore? All of a sudden this tether from my hand to my phone, and more importantly my attention to my phone, was severed. I was free from the tyranny of the cell phone. 

The only reason I have my phone is because I have amazing sermons on it. And I just have to plug my earphones in and listen. It reminds me of what my brain really needs. 

One thing I'm so happy about is, I don't have to document my thought and feelings on Facebook anymore. I can just write a blog and just leave it there. It doesn't have to be shared on Facebook because eventually someone will read it when it's really needed. Blogging is a way of sharing, but it happens much less often and I don’t find that it dominates my life the same way as Facebook or Instagram. I write about a particular topic, or a certain trip I took, instead of constantly being on the lookout for little moments that would make good social media posts. Put simply, blogging is less invasive.

In our society, I feel that peace is hard to come by. I’ll take what I can get, even if it means dropping out of social media.

Superficial Spirituality versus Genuine Humility

Matthew 23 - Then Jesus addressed both the crowds and his disciples and said, 2 “The religious scholars and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat[a] as the authorized interpreters of the Law. 3 So listen and follow what they teach, but don’t do what they do, for they tell you one thing and do another. 4 They tie on your backs an oppressive burden of religious obligations and insist that you carry them, but will never lift a finger to help ease your load. 5 Everything they do is done for show and to be noticed by others. They want to be seen as holy, so they wear oversized prayer boxes on their arms and foreheads with Scriptures inside, and wear extra-long tassels on their outer garments.[b] 6 They crave the seats of highest honor at banquets and in their meeting places. 7 And how they love to be admired by men with their titles of respect, aspiring to be recognized in public and have others call them ‘Reverend.’[c]8 “But you are to be different from that. You are not to be called ‘master,’[d] for you have only one Master, and you are all brothers and sisters. 9 And you are not to be addressed as ‘father,’[e] for you have one Father, who is in heaven. 10 Nor are you to be addressed as ‘teacher,’[f] for you have one Teacher, the Anointed One.[g] 11 The greatest among you will be the one who always serves others. 12 Remember this: If you have a lofty opinion of yourself and seek to be honored, you will be humbled. But if you have a modest opinion of yourself and choose to humble yourself, you will be honored.”

Changing the way I think and act

You want to mess with me in the natural? Let me tell you what I'm gonna do. I will handle you in the Spirit. How draining is it to constantly fight with someone in the natural. You have to physically prepare yourself. You have to have your facts straight. Your argument can be turned against you at any time. You are so upset and all you want to do is just get your feelings and emotions across to this person and in the end, your whole argument is turned against you. 

God says:

"Our fight is not against people on earth but against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness, against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly world..." Ephesians 6:12

This is the only way we need to handle things. This for me is extremely hard, but if I want things to turn around in my favor, I have no choice but to handle you in the Spirit but, we have to go and take authority over those things or that someone that is messing with us in the natural.

What do we do? We pray. 

That is the weapon that disarms the darkness. When we pray, God releases visions that will guide and show us how to be gracious, merciful and still loving towards those who mess with us. 

We are in a time where so many of us are edgy, we suspect any person of anything. We are paranoid and it causes chaos. I can vouch for that. I have never in my entire life been so mentally challenged as I have been this year. My mental health has definitely affected my spiritual health. But you know what, God is more present in my life now than He has ever been. He was there all the time, but I took his presence for granted because I know He's just there. And I am extremely grateful.