Help for the wounded heart - when forgiveness hurts

Life knocks us around physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have a list of heart wounds and so do you because we both wear human skin. I looked at that list of wounds and realized there are just as many spiritual wounds. Do you spend time counting the way that people have hurt you? I have and it is ugly. How about you? Abuse, betrayal, jealousy, anger, gossip, envy, strife, you name it...all of our ugly comes out when withhold forgiveness.  Self absorption has a way of making us miserable and the power of our unforgiveness becomes frightfully obvious to others and yet oblivious to ourselves.  We walk around with wide open wounds and say we are just fine when really, we aren't.  What can we do when a band-aid isn't big enough to heal a wound?

You have carried the burdens long enough dear friend.  He already knows your heartache and has the healing balm ready for you.  He sees the whole thing from the beginning and He sees how it ends.

" Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7 

There is a big difference between going to God and letting pain fester with a smile on your face. Have you told God in real physical words exactly why you are having a hard time forgiving that person?  Hand over your list of wounds and let God deal with it. How? Take some serious time to be quiet (or scream and cry!) before God and lay it all out with spoken or written words.  Every ugly thought. Every ugly detail and every nasty moment. Leave nothing unturned and no words or deeds left unmentioned. Spill because you can’t tackle this thing on your own. 

It has been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. True. My guess is that you're loosing a whole lot more sleep about it than they are. Chances are the person that has hurt you has moved on and you are stuck right where it happened. When you take your hurts before a Holy God-you don't have to bear them alone.  He is your Emmanuel, God With Us, and He is the only one that can help you move forward in victory.

In His Love

She peaks

Heartbroken?

Friend,

I don’t know what your heartbreak is about, but I know it hurts.

My gosh, does it hurt.

It feels like you can’t breathe, or think. It’s consuming. It makes you wonder how anything will ever be ok.

And so you find yourself on the floor, feeling like getting up isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

If I was there, I’d lay down next to you. I’d tell you that this pain is so real, and it’s going to hurt for awhile.

But it’s you, and you have the Spirit of the healer living right inside of you, and so I know that this isn’t how it ends for you. I'd tell you it's okay to be devastated. This feeling won't go away immediately but when it does, you will be so strong and fierce. I know, because I've been on the floor many times before.

I felt like it would never be okay.

It wasn't pretty. It wasnt easy. It wasn't quick. I'm here and I am better.

There are different reasons for our heartbreak and we all heal differently and that's great. As long as we heal.

Friend, your story doesn't end on the floor. It ends when you allow yourself to get up and decide.

I will remind myself - ALWAYS

Look at your hands: They have carried your cute babies at one stage and dried so many of your tears.

Look at your feet: They have walked you to some of your favorite places and walked you away from so many bad ones.

Look at your belly: Think of the days when it's been full and warm with your favorite foods.

Look at your legs: They have held you up when you thought you were not strong enough to stand.

Look at your eyes: They have seen so may beautiful people.

Look at your mouth: It has told so many people that you love them.

Look at your body: It's been there since day 1

LOVE IT, IT LOVES YOU! 
Hating your body doesn't change it. Loving it does wonders.

I needed this - I had to decide

Year in and year out it's the same old story. The same pathetic words that left my mouth,

"I can't"

"What will they say"

"What will they think of me"

"That's not me"

"Why don't you do it"

"I'm too fat, I will never fit into that pants or that top is too out there. The color is too bright"

 

…and the list goes on and on. Well, that was me for a very long time. CAN YOU RELATE TO THIS?

You just have your whole familiar life planned out. They way you are now is just the way you'll stay. The complaints will always be there. The dissatisfaction towards yourself will continue, and people will just start staying away from because you can't or you won't see your worth. You know what I was doing? I was teaching them to disrespect me because I couldn't even respect myself.

You know we will forever question people's motives towards us. We will forever be unhappy with ourselves and how things are in our lives. We will forever blame others for happenings in our lives – and as long as we question, blame and cry, things will never change if we don't come to a decision to change our questions.

"Could things be the way that they are because I am the way that I am. What one thing can I change in order to see change in my life?"

I read the book called "Alice in Wonderland" by Lewis Caroll not too long ago. I literally had a life changing moment which turned out to change my life. I read a very interesting part.

"Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere.
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough."

How true is this. We question "why" but when someone else asks where you want to go and what do you want to do, we still have no clue. With that said, if you don't have a plan on where you're going, you will still ask the same questions for a very long time and still stay stuck and go nowhere.

 

I can honestly say:

"I am no longer stuck"

"No longer disrespect me"

"I love myself"

"I look after my body"

"I no longer look at other and then judge me by the way they look"

"I look at me and say, this is your next step"

 

I no longer have self-esteem issues because now I know, "self-esteem means confidence and satisfaction in one-self."

I can now love others with boldness because I love me. 

Thanks

She said"NO"

I did say no you know. He just continued without blinking an eye. To him it was okay to continue because she was a nothing.
He was never physically abusive but mental and emotional abuse was evident.
She threatens to leave and then he would stop with what he's busy with. But just give 3 weeks to a month and he would start again.
Everyone says she should leave, it's as easy as that. Well, is it? Where would she go?
She decided to stay because she heard that she's a child of God. She heard she's the daughter of a King. She heard she's an heir and she heard she's allowed to walk in authority, and just there her life changed. With that change came to her home.
She's walking in victory, she's walking in freedom, she established her dominion in her home.
I Am She!

I treat myself like a friend

Being good to myself is a choice I make. In this area of my life, I've been a massive failure. I realize once again I don''t have to be perfect to be worthy of my own love. There's always this fear of feeling the shame of others judging me, because I want to love myself. 
I decide to day, I detach from that negativity and instead identify myself with supportive beliefs of who I am and what I will achieve with my true identity. 

I discovered by being good to myself, I contribute a more powerful Presence of goodness to the world around. When I allow myself to be myself , I inspire in others the freedom to be themselves, too. The love I have brightens the world inside and out. 
So, today I replace self-limiting self-talk with positive declarations of my potential, When I show up for myself, life responds with joy. 
I know exactly how to treat my best friend, so why am I not treating myself like a friend too. I love my best friend, so why am I not loving myself as a best friend too. 
Me paying small, does not help me and it does not help others. 

So this is me, promising to treat me like a friend.
#iamshe

Admitting: The Real Me

May I admit something to you all?
When I am at my worst, I doubt who I am. I doubt I am good. I doubt I am valuable. Some days, I know, I don’t look an iota like Jesus. I look in the mirror, but his image I do not see. Instead, I see the image of a woman who is flawed, faulted and failing. I can be hard on myself.
Can you?
It’s easy, on these days, to turn to action plans, to-do lists or a get-better schemes. Oh, I know this inclination! But, more and more, I am convinced, I don’t need a makeover or a new hairstyle. I don’t need a flick on the wrist or a self-inflicted put down to get right, I simply need peace. Peace that affirms who God says I am, not what I am prone to believe I am.
I need the reminder I am:

Beautiful.

#Valuable

Created as beloved with Christ in me.

When we know these things, our vision shifts, our hope emerges and our love flows more freely.
Do you know who you are? If you’re at all like me, and you need a reminder, hopefully these verses – verses that speak of #beauty , value and your beloved identity, will bring you to a new place, to a new vision of who you are created to be.
I am Beautiful:
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. (Sol. 4:7)
She is #clothed with #strength and dignity; she can #laugh at the days to come. (Prov. 31:25)
You will be a #crown of #splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. Is. 62:3
My #beloved #spoke and said to me, “Arise, my #darling , my #beautiful one, come with me. (Song 2:10)
#iamshe 🌻 #valuable #arise #lovely #sweet #special #speak #wisdom #splendor #royal #created #wonderful #beloved #darling

Who does Wanda thinks she is? #statement

You know that moment you meet someone and you cannot even imagine this person having any insecurities or issues of not being confident? Their attitude alone says "I am loud(but not in your face kinda way), confident, sassy, loving, but don't mess with me!" This is who Wanda is. You look at her and see your future self. Not being Wanda, but walking in a building and heads turn. Coming into your home and feel a presence that calibrates the atmosphere on it's own and whoever comes in after that with negativity, you actually feels that Wanda knows how to re-calibrate that negative presence. #iamtotallyserious

I once was afraid of people saying, "who does she think she is?" 
(I am she slogan) So for those who took the time to get to know Wanda probably at one point in their lives thought who does Wanda thinks she is? So you quickly got over that 'coz she didn't have to prove you wrong. You realized that, you were wrong. 
A few weeks back I asked her how is it that she's so confident. I wish I was that confident... and she blurts out,"no baba, I'm not a confident person" Imagine my face after that statement! I questioned her words. I doubted her words, but as soon as I questioned and doubted I decided to let it go. I decided she's just a modest person and will not hurt anyone's feelings by bragging about her confidence. I think being confident or having it all is one thing she doesn't talk about, but definitely walks in it. That is motivation is enough for me. 

So when people leave your company Wanda, I believe despite of how you SAY you feel, your actions, thoughts and words to them is like a magical letter. 
Psalm 45:1 says; "...My tongue is the pen of ready writer..." This is how so many see you. This is how I see you.  
Here goes a letter from you to those who's been in contact with you. 
"The you that's had a rough week. The you that seems to be under constant storm clouds. The you that feels invisible. The you that doesn't know how much longer you can hold on. The you that has lost faith. The you that always blames yourself for everything that goes wrong. 
To you I say,
You are incredible. You make this world so much more wonderful when you smile. You have so much potential and so many things left to do. YOU HAVE TIME. Better things are coming your way, so please hang in there. You can do it."
I've been in Wanda's presence so many times, and not once has she given me the idea that she does not want the best for any person. She is a giver, she is sassy, she is a leader. With all this said, see fine print below...

Top Definition of Wanda:
Known in Urban Legend as the ultimate wife(soon to be), super mom and sex goddess(abstaining for now), Very loyal and caring but ready to strike when provoked. Should be handled with extreme caution. You can't just handle the Wanda!! She will teach you how to handle her. 
You don't need validation from anyone (as you well know), but today you are through all the trial, whatever suffering, whatever hurt, joy, love, even with that sassy attitude, you are honored.

I Am She... 

What "Self" needs

 “Self-love, self-respect, self-worth”: There’s a reason it all starts with ‘self’. You cannot find it in anyone else.”

It was one of those days. I was at a party celebrating one of my friend’s birthday and I was having so much fun. Then out of the blue one of the ladies whom I just met asked me “So what do you do?”

Within a few seconds, my fun, happy, cheerful self disappeared and out came a doubtful and fearful girl that was pushed back for a very long time.

The truth was… I had little idea what I was doing in my personal life. I know I have a job. I know I have a family and I know I am very active in church, but that afraid little girl wanted to show herself.

I think that question stripped me down naked and it made me feel exposed. Because I didn’t really have a job title. (Unless “I-don’t-know-what-I’m doing-with-my-life”)The thing is this, I’ve never had a problem saying yes to people should they need my help, but there’s always been that fear of doing the wrong thing when they needed me the most.

After that question was posed to me I did some serious reflecting and came up with a few powerful truths. Until that moment at the party, I had (unconsciously, of course) proved my worth through my achievements. I had thought of myself as someone who’s not really valued by others, in her job, with friendships and in her marriage. This was me putting myself down, not realizing that not everyone felt this way towards me. It was me, putting myself down and pleasing my own flesh and silly emotions.

So, in short, I had confused self-confidence, self-worth, self-respect with self-esteem. Oops!!

Here’s what I mean by this:

Self-confidence is about trusting yourself and your abilities. For example, you can be confident in public speaking, communicating or praying for others, but not so confident in dancing, singing or even cooking.

Self-esteem on the other hand, is about how you see yourself. It’s about your perception of your worth. No matter what happens on the outside, do you treat yourself with love, care and respect or not?

The above won’t matter as long as you perform and do well, it’s all good, right? Yeah, until you don’t. That’s when sh*t hits the fan…

So, now I was thinking, I’ve done an amazing job in so many areas of my life and others, but why do I see myself as less worthy, less cool (at this age), less interesting because of my external circumstances, I decided this was unacceptable and not good enough for me. As they say, your biggest breakdowns often become your greatest breakthroughs.

So, now I do things, not by proving my value, but by practicing self-love.

I wrote this, because this was what I struggled with just a few days ago and already doing so much better, I hope when you read this you will feel better as well. 

It Will Mean So Much To Them

That moment you get the news that someone received their breakthrough after all that they've been through. They've shared their most intimate, real and personal trial with you. What should be your response?

You celebrate with them. You cry with them because breakthrough has come. You know what they've been through. Just like them, even you thought this is an impossible situation, but you pray anyway. You call on God anyway. You thank God anyway, even if your faith isn't that strong. Why do you do all of this? You do it because you hate the suffering. You hate the pain they're going through. You want to see them smile again. You want to see them experience the joy of the Lord. You want them to live life again.

That is why you celebrate with them. It's a burden lifted.

We long to be trusted by someone, and what awesome way to show we can be trusted when we are real. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CELEBRATE YOUR FRIENDS? Your breakthrough is on the way!!

Job 8:20 says: "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy."

Amazing!! You want them to come and feel safe where they're celebrated and not tolerated.

That moment

You know that moment you finally realize and tell yourself, "why have I let it carry on this long? Is it too late to put an end to it?"

Well, here goes!

If it doesn't serve you or make you happy and never made you happy, then I think it's time to make it stop. We accept so many things and for so long with the hope that change will come, and trust me it does come, but only to those who are intentional as to why they're holding on.

Those who hold on out of desperation and fear, I believe won't see that change, but will remain a prisoner. 

Then there's the fear of what other's may think. Well, the question is, "does your joy, and happiness depend on others, or do you want to continue pretending that all is well?"

When you decide that you  no longer want to be a prisoner, don't over-think your decision. That will ruin the vision you have for your life. Over-thinking will make you worry, and it will turn things around and it won't be for the better.

The saying goes "the struggle you're in will just make you stronger." Does it really, especially when you choose to stay in that struggle? I don't think so. 

When you do decide to hold on, let it be for the right reasons and not out of fear.

So, here's my last thought and it's well said by C.S. Lewis

"Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also much more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say My tooth is aching than to say my heart is broken."

We hold things in and it gets worse. It's not good for the soul.