What "Self" needs

 “Self-love, self-respect, self-worth”: There’s a reason it all starts with ‘self’. You cannot find it in anyone else.”

It was one of those days. I was at a party celebrating one of my friend’s birthday and I was having so much fun. Then out of the blue one of the ladies whom I just met asked me “So what do you do?”

Within a few seconds, my fun, happy, cheerful self disappeared and out came a doubtful and fearful girl that was pushed back for a very long time.

The truth was… I had little idea what I was doing in my personal life. I know I have a job. I know I have a family and I know I am very active in church, but that afraid little girl wanted to show herself.

I think that question stripped me down naked and it made me feel exposed. Because I didn’t really have a job title. (Unless “I-don’t-know-what-I’m doing-with-my-life”)The thing is this, I’ve never had a problem saying yes to people should they need my help, but there’s always been that fear of doing the wrong thing when they needed me the most.

After that question was posed to me I did some serious reflecting and came up with a few powerful truths. Until that moment at the party, I had (unconsciously, of course) proved my worth through my achievements. I had thought of myself as someone who’s not really valued by others, in her job, with friendships and in her marriage. This was me putting myself down, not realizing that not everyone felt this way towards me. It was me, putting myself down and pleasing my own flesh and silly emotions.

So, in short, I had confused self-confidence, self-worth, self-respect with self-esteem. Oops!!

Here’s what I mean by this:

Self-confidence is about trusting yourself and your abilities. For example, you can be confident in public speaking, communicating or praying for others, but not so confident in dancing, singing or even cooking.

Self-esteem on the other hand, is about how you see yourself. It’s about your perception of your worth. No matter what happens on the outside, do you treat yourself with love, care and respect or not?

The above won’t matter as long as you perform and do well, it’s all good, right? Yeah, until you don’t. That’s when sh*t hits the fan…

So, now I was thinking, I’ve done an amazing job in so many areas of my life and others, but why do I see myself as less worthy, less cool (at this age), less interesting because of my external circumstances, I decided this was unacceptable and not good enough for me. As they say, your biggest breakdowns often become your greatest breakthroughs.

So, now I do things, not by proving my value, but by practicing self-love.

I wrote this, because this was what I struggled with just a few days ago and already doing so much better, I hope when you read this you will feel better as well. 

It Will Mean So Much To Them

That moment you get the news that someone received their breakthrough after all that they've been through. They've shared their most intimate, real and personal trial with you. What should be your response?

You celebrate with them. You cry with them because breakthrough has come. You know what they've been through. Just like them, even you thought this is an impossible situation, but you pray anyway. You call on God anyway. You thank God anyway, even if your faith isn't that strong. Why do you do all of this? You do it because you hate the suffering. You hate the pain they're going through. You want to see them smile again. You want to see them experience the joy of the Lord. You want them to live life again.

That is why you celebrate with them. It's a burden lifted.

We long to be trusted by someone, and what awesome way to show we can be trusted when we are real. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CELEBRATE YOUR FRIENDS? Your breakthrough is on the way!!

Job 8:20 says: "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy."

Amazing!! You want them to come and feel safe where they're celebrated and not tolerated.

That moment

You know that moment you finally realize and tell yourself, "why have I let it carry on this long? Is it too late to put an end to it?"

Well, here goes!

If it doesn't serve you or make you happy and never made you happy, then I think it's time to make it stop. We accept so many things and for so long with the hope that change will come, and trust me it does come, but only to those who are intentional as to why they're holding on.

Those who hold on out of desperation and fear, I believe won't see that change, but will remain a prisoner. 

Then there's the fear of what other's may think. Well, the question is, "does your joy, and happiness depend on others, or do you want to continue pretending that all is well?"

When you decide that you  no longer want to be a prisoner, don't over-think your decision. That will ruin the vision you have for your life. Over-thinking will make you worry, and it will turn things around and it won't be for the better.

The saying goes "the struggle you're in will just make you stronger." Does it really, especially when you choose to stay in that struggle? I don't think so. 

When you do decide to hold on, let it be for the right reasons and not out of fear.

So, here's my last thought and it's well said by C.S. Lewis

"Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also much more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say My tooth is aching than to say my heart is broken."

We hold things in and it gets worse. It's not good for the soul. 

HOW?

HOW? This question always remains. This remains active as long as you shall live.
How do you bless people who doesn't want to be blessed?
How do you help people who makes it very clear that they don't want to be helped? They can do it all on their own.
How do you love people who doesn't know what love is, who doesn't know how to love back and who DOES NOT want to be loved?

Do you just decide to not do anything for or do you almost like force your way?
This is so tiring. It takes every bit of energy you have spent on them and they just throw it back in your face. But what do you do then? In my experience, I've leaned to be available when they do need your help. Be present when they do need love. It takes every bit of humility not to throw their actions towards you back in their faces.
I suppose this is called being a blessing, loving with the love of God and caring for them without counting the cost.
This year 2017 is almost done and who on this earth wants to go into 2018 dealing with the same issues. We have a decision to make.
I have two answers for us today.
Instead of asking WHY do I have to deal with shot like this? Why not keep on asking the question, HOW can I change this? Or HOW can I deal with this?
The answer will come.
#iamshe

This is grace

All I need is You, Lord. Your love is crashing over me. I cannot explain it, all I know is, "THIS IS GRACE."
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8 

I have no idea what I would do if you were not in my life. I look back and see where I've been. Your hand has always been on my life. When I look to the future, I cannot even imagine going there without You. I am grateful for all the people You placed in my life. So many of them have been removed for various reasons, but You know why. I am still grateful. 
I now recognize the different seasons and when it does change, I will still trust you Lord. 
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are my rock. You are my hiding place. You are my shelter. You are my protector. You are my counselor. 
I Love you Lord!

I want to boldly say; "Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

A New Day - Second Chance

You might feel as if you're stuck right there because of things you've done, things you might've said and now you feel you will never move forward. 
This is not God's plan. God wants us to do better in life. The reason why we feel the way we do is, we condemning ourselves. We never have something good to say about ourselves. We are good to everyone else, but never to ourselves, and that is reason we're stuck where we are. No amount of sin, words or deed will stop the move of God, but that move depends on you.

Every day we see that God again is merciful to us. They “never come to an end,” in fact, and every morning “they are new” because God’s faithfulness is great. His steadfast love will never cease, nor will His mercies for us.

Lamentations 3:21-23 “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

If God were not patient and long-suffering, none of us would survive. But God is patient toward us and doesn’t want anyone to perish apart from saving faith in Christ. God wants mankind to “reach repentance,” but they must first humble themselves because God is opposed to the proud and will extend His grace only to the humble (James 4:6).

Second Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”

God wants you to keep on coming to Him even though He knows what's on your mind. He is the God of every chance. He wants you well.

No one owes you

I am so sorry to tell you this, but no one owes you anything.
Looking at people around me and seeing the very same thing every single time, I'm praying for mindsets to be change. So many people believe that the whole world owes them something and when the whole world pays up, they will be satisfied. Well, I've got news for you. if you're not happy when one person gives in to your ridiculousness, you will never be pleased. 
If you were to meet a person who feels exactly like you do, do you think you owe that person?
SOMETHING TO PONDER ON RIGHT?

There is a saying in this world that goes, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” What it means is that if you do something for me I will likewise do something for you. It’s all about receiving in return what you give to others. This is part of the wisdom of this world, but it is not the wisdom of God. 
When you do something for others, you may not see the blessing immediately, but it will happen. Just don't get upset and say someone owes you something. Whatever the outcome, the promise of the Lord contained in this scripture is that when you do unto others without expecting anything in return you will be blessed. Especially when this is given to those who are not able to repay and this is right to do.
This is an important and valuable reminder for us all. Let us all seek how we can do good to others and wait on God, and not feel the world owes us because we did good. 

"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." Hebrews 13:16
"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." James 4:17

Who Are You Blaming?

blame

bleɪm/

verb

<![if !supportLists]>1.    <![endif]>1.

feel or declare that (someone or something) is responsible for a fault or wrong.

I blamed the enemy when everything has gone wrong a few weeks ago. I gave the enemy so much credit when I felt that internal pain.

Isn't this what we always do? Giving the enemy credit?

This was where I found myself when confusion came knocking. I turned the blame to God telling him to stop allowing the enemy to do this. – but then I sat still for a moment and thought, "could this pain be the enemy or could it be God?"

The moment I asked myself that question, God stepped in. He spoke to me through His word and confirmed that if there was someone to be blamed, it was God. This was a good blame. Believe it or not, the pain was gone. This is what God wants us to do. He wants us to discern what we're going through and not just say it's the enemy preventing you from going forward. There are different types of pain, especially when you can't even determine within yourself whether it's physical or spiritual.

When I asked to where this pain is really coming from, He was so eager to tell me. He said;

"Hypocrites! You know how to discern the appearance of the earth and of the sky, but how do you not know to discern this time?" Luke 12:56

WOW# What an awkward moment for me, but indeed a powerful lesson. He then said:, "When evening comes, you say, 'The weather will be fair, for the sky is red;' and in the morning, 'Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.' You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but not the signs of the times!' Matthew 16:3

So when you are confused about that pain you suffering from, ask God to help you. OMW, He is so willing. Like me, we sit and sit, blame and blame, giving the enemy credit for something he enjoys. You know when a mother goes into labor and that pain is coming nonstop, that is the pain I was feeling. I felt like a mom in labor but when the contractions was over I gave to something new. Newness I've been praying for. Newness spoken over my life in the beginning of this year, and newness I had to start declaring a long time ago. I was the problem. I had to discern what God was doing.

So, that pain you might feeling right now….. (well, that's all I'm saying)

I will leave you with this. (believe it.)

"You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways."

Quietness

It's really so good if you can just be quiet when all hell break loose. You have all the reason and excuses to lash out, but you just choose not to. 

I promise you, married life becomes easier when you decide to let all the side items go. 

So, When the going gets tough? We lean on God’s wisdom instead of our own.When we love God with all of our heart, we seek His will for our marriage. We don’t love our husbands/wives the way that we do because it’s popular to do so, or because it’s a family tradition. We do so because we believe that His Word is just as powerful and effective as it was thousands or years ago. We do so because His wisdom runs deep. And we do so because we love God with all our heart, our soul and our mind.

But this can only happen when we become quiet and start thinking what can I do differently. We don't always address the person that hurts you, we first address the system. Addressing the system will give us a very clear perspective of how to handle the issue in your marriage. 

Yeah, there are times you feel, to hell withthis system. When, I'm right, I'm right.... But when you look back, you actually tell yourself, "Why didn't I just stay quiet and first think my actions, or responds through. 

SO, THIS IS WHAT I SUGGEST...

Don’t ever lose sight of the man/ woman that you married. My guess is that you started out as friends and my advice for you is that you finish that way. Couples who keep their friendship alive, also keep their spark alive, and that’s something you never want to lose!

How do you maintain a friendship with your husband? The answer is simple really. It’s all about being friendly. Consider the close friendships you’ve had and ask yourself who that person was to you. What made that relationship stand out from the others?

 But godliness with contentment is great gain. – 1 Timothy 6:6-7 (KJV)

Happy Marriage Day

Cleansing Can Be Done

Have you noticed, when you feel low, frustrated, angry and discouraged, you just don't feel like being with people, 'coz you don't feel like answering their questions on why you feel this way. 

You may even be at a point where you know the word of God can lift you up but that umph to open the word just ain't there. 

This is what I call spiritual leprosy.  You are afraid of coming in contact with others because they will see your issues. They will see how distracted you are. You feel ashamed. 

This reminds me of a story in the Bible where Jesus cleanses a leper. Luke 5:12 '...a man who was full of leprosy saw Jesus,... saying', 'Lord, if You are willing,  You can make me clean." 

We know Jesus can heal us of our feelings frustration, an get and every other issue, but we are not willing fall to our knees, humbling ourselves and ask. 

Look what Jesus did for the leper. 'He put out his hand and touched him, saying. "I am willing, be cleansed." 

How long will I continue to isolate myself from everyone when I feel low. I should immediately reach out to Jesus, because He is willing.l despite my flaws.

This is only a season and this too shall pass. It all depends on me

In His Love

Leslene

Starting Again

Even though there I certain things I don't enjoy, I choose to make the best of it.
God is a just God and He acts in the best interest of His children and I choose to do the same.
"All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
#focus
In His Love
Sent from my BlackBerry®